If tomorrow I woke up living the same day that had just ended, would I be able to live it for the rest of my life? Did I truly cherish every beautiful moment in this life and incorporate it into my journey, or was I always in a rush, chasing unnecessary things and shedding tears for insignificant reasons? I wasted so much time dwelling on past memories, forgetting to create new ones. I searched more for the pictures I had taken and paid less attention to the mirror, avoiding the reality reflected back at me. My eyes appeared sad, marked by dark circles from sleepless nights, and strands of grey hair served as reminders that life was slipping by, yet I struggled to accept and confront it.

I remembered the things I possessed more than I lived in the present with my loved ones, trapped in a cycle of life. The same cup of coffee in the morning, a spoonful of sugar, the same stop at the station, the monotonous routine throughout the day, and I would collapse into bed exhausted from all that I had accomplished. It was a trap I had fallen into, a temporary place within an infinite passage of time. I walked on the wheel, and what started eventually came back to an end, only to begin all over again. If that were the loop I was stuck in for the rest of my life, what would I change right now? Life didn’t choose for me the perfect day to be trapped in a loop; it would take the last day I had and make it yesterday. Did I live enough? Did I wish I could have done more? Did I love enough, care too deeply, or not at all? Was I distant from my home and children, afflicted by illness, or consumed by the pain of love or loss? Was it enough?

“Beyond the edge of the world, there’s a space where emptiness and substance neatly overlap, where past and future form a continuous, endless loop. And, hovering about, there are signs no one has ever read, chords no one has ever heard.”

― Haruki Murakami

I felt drained of every desire and passion that had faded away with time. I was like an empty shell, carrying only a faint glimmer of life within me. If I listened carefully, I could hear the faint echo of a once vibrant heart that had loved deeply and lost it all. I stumbled and fell countless times, bearing the physical evidence of bruises and deep scars that couldn’t be concealed. I was exposed, with nothing left to hide.

I fought my inner demons for a long time, but in every battle, I emerged defeated. I tried to mend my broken heart, but I kept experiencing loss. I was never aware of when life would come to an end or when it would grant me another chance. However, life didn’t wait for me, and the days couldn’t be reclaimed. Mustering the last traces of strength to make things right seemed futile. The battle had been too gruelling, and the demons too overpowering. Engaging in another cycle today would shatter what little remained to be lived. Yet, witnessing a loved one pass away each day, missing every train at every station, and hearing words that could potentially break me further—such thoughts were unbearable to contemplate.

They often said, “Live as if you have only one day left,” but nobody ever tells you when everything will come to an end. I could sit in silence, clinging to lost hope and waiting for that moment, or I could try to seize what was left and strive to make it better while it still endured.

“Déjà vu. Déjà su. Déjà vécu.

Already seen. Already known. Already lived.”

― V. E. Schwab

If tomorrow I woke up to the same day as yesterday, with the same food I had eaten, the phone calls I had made, the places I had seen, and the people I had loved, what would I have wished to add or remove? Perhaps some rain, more sunshine, a trip, or a well-deserved nap? Having an extra hour or a day to live was not what it was all about. One extra day to live or endless chances would not have changed anything I already had. I only had the present, and even when trapped in an endless day that started over every morning, I still had a choice to make and the power to change it. I couldn’t erase the past and I couldn’t predict the future, but all I had was the ability to live in the present.

Even when I felt that nothing was important for whatever reason, it was the small moments in my life that made this life worth it. Taking the time to stop and listen to the birds seeking mates in spring, the waves approaching the shore, the children playing and laughing while chasing butterflies, and the entire world spreading a positive vibe through all its wonders. Everything was there, waiting for me and trying every day to remind me how important it was to live and appreciate the small gestures. A smile, a flower, a handshake, or a simple hello, they were all free but incredibly valuable.

I had a loop called life, and whether it was long or short, it brought me back to the present, reminding me that what I had today was exactly what I needed. Let’s enjoy and add a little more glitter and spark to our lives. It was hard, but I couldn’t fight against it; instead, I walked alongside my fears. I should be grateful when I got a chance to start over because it allowed me to learn a little more and also forget, giving me the opportunity to try as many things as possible. I was in a loop, but it was the loop of life, and life on Earth had never been more valuable than ever.

“There is a world of answers, outside the loop.”

― Anthony Liccione

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