“It’s also about integration: owning up to the parts of yourself, however much you might not like them. In the Real there are so many taboos that people are completely fragmented. That’s the joke of it. They cling rigidly to the idea that they are one unique person, while they are busy hiding parts of themselves they can’t accept.”

― Alan McCluskey

I was part of the same clay pot that exploded into the horizon, traveled across the Universe, and woke up on Earth without memories, yet judged for being confused. I came naked and without recollections and I was taught from others’ perspectives how to live my life, dress up, eat, talk, and survive. I came alone and I would leave the same, but I had to learn my lessons by interacting with people I never met, I didn’t like, or not wanted to be apart from. I got into a world where everyone was entitled to land that didn’t belong to anyone, and money was printed without sustainable value. I couldn’t express opinions anymore without hurting others’ feelings, getting banned or flagged on social media, and people became too sensitive to reality and were afraid of injuries from the words. I couldn’t accept myself and others with all the love I felt, and I closed the feelings in old chests filled with taboos, Pandora’s box waiting to be discovered and revealed. I was ashamed to accept my flaws and to accept reality once I acknowledged them, and I created a small world where walls were made of glass and I pretended no one saw me when I tried to hide behind curtains. I swept under the rug feelings and I locked the doors, burned bridges, and left my dreams behind. I used to live just to survive, and I faced lonely nights like the harsh weather tearing off my flesh. In the greatest conditions that humanity could experience, I couldn’t accept myself. I lacked confidence, I used filters and adopted extreme appearances, I was lost in too many details and everyone else was wearing a false mask. I was not accepting reality, and everything was based on feelings and experiences. How was I able to survive if I couldn’t even know myself? I dissipated among the world losing my language, traditions, and culture without even realizing that. I was different in every aspect, yet so selfish and looked with disagreement to anyone that wouldn’t follow the same beliefs. I forgot that I wasn’t meant to be loved and appreciated by everyone, however, I was at least reasonable and saw this reality for what was given. One area was different than another, and one person was different from another, but I was clinching rigidly from the idea that I was unique yet too busy hiding parts I couldn’t accept it. I tried to find the answer to my questions, in books, and from people but it wasn’t science, was just taboo. Let’s talk about it!

“Taboos after all are only hangovers, the product of diseased minds, you might say, of fearsome people who hadn’t the courage to live and who under the guise of morality and religion have imposed these things upon us.”

― Henry Miller

I was afraid to live my life to the fullest potential but I was so judgmental of the ones who did it. I was strict with my diet but I couldn’t accept that blended condiments and people were the spices of life and what formed communities and races. I prayed and asked the deities for help, while I ignored others that share the same beliefs in other languages. I was seen as having a mental disorder if I dared to contradict and turned against oppression while moving forward was possible only with political strategies, rules, and regulations. I lost time and wasted potential in a world where resources were enough for all, only if it was allowed for everyone to use them. The knowledge could save me from hypocrisy, only if I would use it and be aware of possibilities. I was not meant to follow rules and be obedient, either suppressed or punished, just aware that life lasted only how much I was able to provide and brought my contribution. I haven’t considered that excess and lust were always sinning, but ways of experiencing life, and moderation and chastity did not guarantee a place in Heaven. I got the life without trial and demo version, and the only certainty I had was that one day I would die. I had to try and see what was working for me. There was a probability for everything else, but what was real when not even eye witnessing was certain? If holistic therapy was a way of healing, why we had to ingest prescripted medication to cure ourselves? If natural resources were a beneficial source of life, why we had to work indoors while the sun was up? If we had to perceive people based on what they pretended to be or identified, what humans were? If hallucinations were the first sign of a mental disorder, how pretending to be something else was normal? Who was able to live a better life, the ones who lived in an imaginary world or the ones that ignored the world around them? Was the tolerance of someone the cure for the illness of others? There was a brilliant and complete reality that gathered all the ideas and beliefs, but certainty was probably nothing from what I knew and believed in. Living in an imaginary world or waking up in a space with an alarm clock and bills to pay, made any difference in bending our reality? Probabilities were proved with scientific methods, and theories were repeated over and over, even if were false. We were questioning others, but we didn’t question our beliefs, traditions, and culture deeply imprinted in our genes, making it impossible to realize there were other possibilities. Between all we agreed and disagreed with, there was always something taboo. Let’s talk about it!

“Once you break one tabbo, others soon come thumgbling down. Once you start rolling downhill, you carry on rolling until you reach the lowest point. For someone with no aim in life and who has never known love, leading a respectable life seems utterly pointless and unbearable.”

― Rika Yokomori

I placed my thoughts and beliefs in a row with a domino effect, and once I demolished the first piece, what followed came tumbling down without the possibility of reverse. The sins, the broken vows, the realities torn apart, the beliefs crumbled, everything made my reality scream from painful skepticism. What was real? What was known? What was life? What was improper or unacceptable? I was influenced, I was confused, I derailed from my way, and I was kept in a society that changed my perspective on religion, social life, and health, creating divisions and separations. I had no enemies, but I was made to fight against others, different from myself, yet from the same atoms. I was not owned and didn’t have a master, but neither owned anything without getting myself in debt and signed a contract. I had only one chance to live and experience life on Earth to the fullest capacity, and losing my time with unnecessary ideas only diminishes my chances to get a sense of the gifts I had. I hide and voided conflicts, and I was still judged and punished for the innocence of my thoughts. Whatever I thought, felt and maybe what I wanted to know, was not a sin, was nothing to be ashamed of, and was just taboo for closed minds and judgy people. Different perspectives did not change reality and truth, another culture or religion was not meant to separate and make people go against each other. Taboo was only what the mind wanted to suppress, the religion to ban, society to ignore, or was not politically correct. It was my life and I felt free to talk about it. Do it for yourself!

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