“All is as if the world did cease to exist. The city’s monuments go unseen, its past unheard, and its culture slowly fading in the dismal sea.”

― Nathan Reese Maher

I was no more than an architecture that had once been built from marble and had shined with pride on its solid foundation. I had filled up my knowledge and had gathered everything I could in my brilliant mind. However, there was only so much I could add before my capacity reached its limits. Everything I had accumulated in a lifetime became denser, to the point where there was no space left to add anything more. Under extreme pressure and through an intense process of metamorphosis, everything I possessed turned into a heavy stone that weighed me down in the stomach. What had once been fluid and warm in my soul became stuck in the gathering, and nothing could leave or enter.

I was trapped in my body without an emergency exit, forced to live amidst the ruins I had gathered around me. Washing and polishing the exterior, and putting on a beautiful smile, did not help when everything inside was rotten. Unable to give or receive, I became stuck, rooted too deeply to move and too weak to pull myself free. Slowly, I became abandoned and forgotten. I let one more brick fall, allowed the rain to wash the wounds, and permitted the wind to pass through my empty rooms.

“When someone you loved finds no flattery in the gift you gave them then you must ask yourself, “What was worth loving?”

― Shannon Alder

Was it even worth building? Was it even worth loving? Was it even worth living? I had a window of time when I could create, succeed, and shine, but time didn’t wait, and the shininess grew dull. I had the spark, I had the lust, and I was polished with every good intention, although unfortunately for the wrong people. Someone could break me into pieces and shred my feelings in a grinder, but who would want an abandoned soul? I was searching for expensive things, forgetting to repair and refurbish what was damaged. I was throwing words at people as if they meant nothing, without trying to walk in their shoes and understand the pain of abandonment. When there was no room for regrets and no time for patching things up, where did I go? I followed a path that led me nowhere in a time that only showed fleeting seconds. There was a single road to walk on, and no one turned around; I kept on walking even when there was nothing left to build, love, or live for.

“I’ve learned to tell the difference between something quiet and something abandoned. This goes deeper than just a stillness. It’s like the moments before the world goes to sleep… but we’re the only ones left awake to notice it.”

― Grey Mother

I was quiet when I was alone because there was nothing to entertain my sad soul. I sat in my place, waiting for something to stir, but stillness held its ground, and not even a breeze passed by. No one knew when I cried myself to sleep or if I even made it through the morning. So many people were left behind, with no one checking if there was any help to offer or if there was something I could do. I was like a shadow, moving about, and once I left the room, nobody remembered I had been there. I departed swiftly, never looking back, abandoning souls that loved me without any remorse. I saw the light stay on until midnight, but no one knew the reason: was someone sick or merely lost, in need of help or just praying?

I had dreams I wanted to achieve, filled with passionate fervour. I tried relentlessly until I succeeded, and when I couldn’t go on, I took a pause. I didn’t love someone and then abandon them; I didn’t plant a tree and then neglect to water it. When I grew tired, I rested, and when I rose, I continued, for no one was excused from their responsibilities. I abandoned my home, seeking solace in places far from my heart. I abandoned dreams I would never realize, and I left behind souls who knew nothing but love for me. Ultimately, I abandoned myself, and I became nothing more than ruins.

Any work is always improvable, you cannot really finish the work, you can only abandon it out of tiredness or incompetence.”

― Amit Kalantri

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