“The Queen of Wands sits upon a throne decorated with lions facing opposing directions, a symbol of fire and strength. In her left hand, on her crown, and behind her are sunflowers, symbolizing life, fertility, joy, and satisfaction, and her right hand holds a wand with one small sprout springing to life. A black cat sits at her feet, a sign that while this Queen is bold and outgoing she is also in touch with her shadow self – the darker, lesser-known side of her being.” – source

“You learn to focus on the living,” he explained, still embracing her. “People will always die. It is simply a fact. Sometimes it feels like the grief will kill you, but it doesn’t. You continue living, even if you feel you no longer deserve life. Those pieces of your soul will remain missing, but eventually, you will not notice them as much.”

― Sara C. Roethle, Queen of Wands

I was the warrior, the lover, and the failure, but I got a special power that was bonding everything back together when everything was falling apart. I was creative, I shared pure love and I lived with that feminine power that abundant my soul. For many days I just struggled too, but nothing cost me to dream, to manifest, and to create out of thin air. I had a magic wand and even if it was not visible to everyone, I had the power to recreate and rebuild the world from ashes. I had the power of words when I was not afraid the speak up my mind, or when I had the courage to say “I love you”, and more important when I was not embarrassed to say ” I am sorry”. I had so much to offer in a kind voice, out of pure innocence I encouraged others to succeed even though I was struggling to not fall apart. I influenced others through my vision, with my courage and determination, which felt naive and risky for the audience. I never got bored with myself because I was leading a busy life, and juggling many balls in the air that looked insane but gave me power. I installed confidence in others that lost their hope, and I gave to them the power and self-assurance that they can achieve anything they set in their minds. I was an example for many that couldn’t find their way, I was vibrating harmony and I rewrote the history in poems. In my energy, passion, and enthusiasm, were drawn sad souls that get intoxicated with beauty and joy. They were getting so close to my light like a hungry moth and were almost forced to get a closer look in their shadow self. Some people got tired of just looking at me always on the go, but there was no rest from passion and desire. I had a dark sense of humor, and death was just another step that was taken in a different place. I was not afraid of losing a body, because I was aware that my soul was eternal. I knew that life did not have a rigid definition, and creative solutions would make me happy and keep me active. I was courageous and individualistic, taking the risk to appear self-centered or selfish. How could someone so lovely and wishing love for others could be named egoistic?

“You are the most loving creature I have ever known,” he muttered. “You may feel you have nothing to offer, but you love everyone as fiercely as most only love a single person. If anything, you have too much to offer.”

― Sara C. Roethle, Queen of Wands

I had self-respect and confidence but sometimes the cards fall down, and what I picked back up it was the reverse of all that beauty and harmony. Even though I had the truth in my belief system, and I knew myself on a deep level, I needed some time apart to spend alone and to connect to my inner self. I was introverted and many perceived that wrong, but I had only just a different set of beliefs. My success meaning was different from others, and I was not easily moved by others’ opinions. I liked to sit and watched before I could approach the prey or understand who was my predator. I had the courage to be bold and walk away even when my principles and beliefs were different from what others expected from me. Those got easily misunderstood, especially since I had that lovely side that spread kindness through my pores.

“I don’t know if I can do that,” she breathed. “It’s difficult to ignore emotions when you feel like you have far too many of them. They just tend to leak out no matter what I do.”

― Sara C. Roethle, Queen of Wands

I was flooding pure love and I was enjoying giving more than I would receive, but I needed the sun to glow and water to flow. I was not a source of renewable elements that overflown an eternity. I gave it because that was what I felt like, I enjoyed seeing others happy and embracing their success. I was watching them grow under my eyes, pouring rivers of love over their sad souls, and getting excited to see them rise. I didn’t know any better but to share, because I had so much to give, so much to learn and so much to lose. Many were not used to receiving unconditionally and were forced to think that everything came with a price, they were suspicious, and tried to sneak and take more than they could carry. I gave and took because we lived in balance and harmony, but for unprepared souls could be too much and overwhelming. I kept my hands and hold them as a cup, shared the love I got, and slowly swallowed the sweet and warm potion, that spread more joy than it could be handled.

“Someone had to make you,” she explained. “And everyone else seems to be terrified of hurting your feelings. I wouldn’t be your friend if I wasn’t honest with you.”

― Sara C. Roethle, Queen of Wands

For those who hide behind masks, who create characters they wanted to be, and who were not honest with themselves, those gifts were just another game to play. They got hurt and blame the Universe for dragging them into such placements. I couldn’t ask the stars to turn on the light in them, I couldn’t ask the sun to brighten less or the moon to slow down its growth. I was responsible only for my facts, my behavior, and my mistakes. When I was ice cold, I was playing games and I was unfaithful, the lessons waiting for me around the corner. Controlling, manipulating, and vindictive, were the opposite of how I could perform the act of love in the form of lust. I should be started with myself, improve my self-worth and work on my doubts, because a flip of a card, could bring me back to the most passionate and beautiful stage I could step on. I was the Queen of Wands, upright or in reverse, and it took one moment to switch from one energy to another. Games should be played with the cards upright, before blaming others for my heartbreak.

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