“When it comes to controlling human beings there is no better instrument than lies. Because, you see, humans live by beliefs. And beliefs can be manipulated. The power to manipulate beliefs is the only thing that counts.”

― Michael Ende

Why do I lie? Why I am so afraid, to tell the truth? What hurts more, and what I can get when I only hold on to a lie? Just because I do not know the truth, will save me from the worst? There are so many questions, and no one can answer straight, because we all lie every day. When I was born in a world created based on a script, whatever I wanted, was just an illusion. When I wanted to lose myself in books and nature, the industry afraid that would collapse stopped me. When I wanted to travel around the world, afraid that no one would bring more capital to their industries, I have been lied. I became working hands, without distinctions, and as long as I fulfilled a job, any job, and any work, I was kept to good standards. I was a piece in the puzzle, and it was just a matter of time until I was replaced in case of any misplacement. I was given a day or two to charge my energy, just to be able to come back on track, where box after box, was filled up for their dreams. But when was my time? I have been lied straight in my face with a few days of vacations, that I could not even take unless I complied with all their regulations and restrictions. I believed I was happy, and I would conquer the world, but those beliefs were first changed and twisted, bent in a way that suited a better society. I became just an instrument, easy to be manipulated, I followed blinded the path that was promised to be made of gold, just to keep my feet, in soggy mud. My beliefs were changed in front of my eyes, and I was left to believe that it was always written that way, and just like that, when I blinked, a few words were erased, and others were added, making those commandments suited for those who would benefit the most. Day after day those lies were getting into everything in my life, and before I knew it, there was another reality, that changed in front of my eyes. I stayed too focused on reasons, and I neglected the facts. I just stopped for a moment and thought that if I would never discover what was a lie, it would still exist, but without my acknowledgments, all hidden truths, all still lies, too precious for disclosure.

“There is beauty in truth, even if it’s painful. Those who lie, twist life so that it looks tasty to the lazy, brilliant to the ignorant, and powerful to the weak. But lies only strengthen our defects. They don’t teach anything, help anything, fix anything or cure anything. Nor do they develop one’s character, one’s mind, one’s heart or one’s soul.”

― José N. Harris

I always had a choice to make, and I decided for myself what was the best option: a painful truth, or a beautiful lie? However, to even realize there were two options, I needed to have something that triggered me and couldn’t let me sleep. The truth was always to be found at the bottom of the well, and there was a lot of mud that covered up many strong lies. Those lies, one after another, would not teach me anything, would not fix anything, and would not cure anything, but only made me aware that there was clear water under all that dirt. I needed to dig deeper to be able to discover there were other options. It did not come easy, and I got many obstacles in front of me, but was even worth it? Would not be easier just to accept the way I found this life, tasty to the lazy ones, brilliant to the ignorant, and powerful to the weak? Why should I get my hands dirty, deal with sleepless nights, and the critiques of others, that did not understand me, why I would even waste my time with such pity? Only when would understand that the truth was hidden in the benefit of lies, my character would start to polish, my mind would clear up, and my heart and soul would become lighter. There was a power in those lies that deformed my true self, hid my beautiful ways of being, and suppressed the love I carried. Yet, as long I did not know the existence of an alternative I couldn’t choose, and only aware of choices I could decide which path to follow, and what would fit me better.

“Knowing can be a curse on a person’s life. I’d traded in a pack of lies for a pack of truth, and I didn’t know which one was heavier. Which one took the most strength to carry around? It was a ridiculous question, though, because once you know the truth, you can’t ever go back and pick up your suitcase of lies. Heavier or not, the truth is yours now.”

― Sue Monk Kidd

When I decided to choose the truth and defend the lies, there was no way back to those paths. It was impossible to overlook them, was hard to accept them, like there were not even other options anymore. To be fooled and conned was not what made me an idiot. What really made me one, was to refuse to look at the truth, and to make the conscious decision and believe the lies. Sometimes, I needed to look through-line to find the hidden truth, written in small font, to not disturb the pumped-up lines of lies. But as they said, ignorance was bliss, and the truth could be a curse for those that looked up to it. Trying to convince others, was a losing game because no one wanted to be disturbed from their comfortable settings of lies. So then, in a world where things were happening to be different from all I’d known, and a new way of seeing things were in front of me, how could I move forward in this world? How could I swallow those lies that conflicted with my thoughts? I only referred to my truth, that after all, were just personal beliefs, but no matter how harsh and painful it was, I carried on, with pride and confidence. It was a curse to know a different way, to suppress my feelings and emotions, to avoid conflicts, to clench my teeth and murmur through my closed mouth what I would shout from my lungs: IS ALL A LIE! But I was living in that closed box with limited possibilities, with eyes that followed my moves, with sensors that triggered bad behavior, and I was reduced to following rules, in that world full of BS.

“Things come apart so easily when they have been held together with lies.”

― Dorothy Allison

I did not have to lie to give a good impression, because those who were kind were always coming back to the surface. I did not need to give fake smiles before I buried my face in my hands hiding my tears. I did not need to accept and perform those lies and be part of statistics. I needed to be authentic, to live a simple life based on intelligence, emotions, social skills, and adversity. Comprehension was a gift when all those memories were recalled for solving math or telling poetry, but to maintain peace with myself and others, to be responsible, honest, respect boundaries, be humble, genuine, and considerate, it cost too much? What about building a network of friends, and maintaining it over a longer period of time? What if based on my truth I could polish my character and charisma adding in virtue? What if while taking the rough paths in life, I would come out without losing my mind, my friends, and my family? How many lives would be saved from suicide or would be kept with family, when lies would not decay more souls? How would a world with manual labor be favored and not used as a form of punishment? What if instead of building the road for my children, to prepare them for the road, armed with honesty, ethics, and morals? What if I would not have to remember anything and tell the truth instead of hiding it? It was another utopian world or was it just the one I ignored to see, and with closed eyes I swallowed blue pills day after day, remaining in the blissful ignorance of illusions?

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